I don’t know about you, but I find myself at times procrastinating when I know that I have a lot on my plate.

Over the years, I have done a lot of research on the subject of procrastination, and have learned many different ways in which to deal with it. Procrastination however, is a habit that it’s hard to beat, and it tends to creep in when you least see it coming. And when it does, you hate yourself for giving in to this toxic habit.

But here are some good news. Research in procrastination suggests that procrastination has nothing to do with getting things done, and more to do with … stress!

Most people affected by procrastination are people who have a lot on their plate and have a lot to juggle, people who are thinkers by nature. So procrastination is a form of stress relief.

Let me repeat it again – for all of you who procrastinate, procrastination is not the issue – it’s stress. So when you are asking your brain to kick into action and be productive at work, the brain may not be feeling up to it, as it has the stress to deal with, and so it needs to take a break.

If you are like me, you may be very harsh on yourself when you don’t get done as much as you thought you would, because you have instead spent time doing something of little value. If this is you, you need to be kind to yourself, and do the best that you can. Instead of beating yourself up for procrastinating, try and work on the actual reason that’s causing you stress. Trying to work on whatever is stressing you over will help you get on with the little things that you need to achieve.

One of the best tips that I can give you to get rid of this habit, is to get used to start doing whatever needs to be done for just 5 minutes. If you challenge yourself to do this, research shows that 80% of people will keep going. So the real trick in conquering this habit is to start doing what you don’t want to do. So it’s all going to come down to the choice that you make – continue to beat yourself up over not doing what needs to be done, or commit to just start doing it for 5 minutes.

I learnt this technique only too well when I was running long distances. Many mornings, I’d have to get up at 4.30am to run for hours. The day before, I could already hear myself going through all the reasons as to why I shouldn’t do it. My response would be to have my clothes ready and my trainers ready to put on by the door. In the morning, I would force myself to get dressed, put my shoes on and leave the house and give myself a goal of walking for 5 minutes (if running seemed like too much). Other than one day when I felt sick and tired and decided to come home after those 5 minutes, the rest I kept going and achieved incredible personal goals!

So, in knowing this new piece of information, instead of asking you why you procrastinate, I wan to ask you – what are you stressed about? Please take a moment to consider this question, and reflect on what may be needed for you to reduce it.

Here’s to your success!

Isabel x

Worry… we’ve all felt it, some more than others. That uneasy feeling that is so hard to shake off; the knot on the stomach, the anxiety, the constant overthinking… it is a very real and debilitating feeling, and one that it’s so hard to get rid of. And before you know it, there is a storm brewing inside your head, creating chaos within, putting a strain on both your mental and physical health.

Worrying has become a chronic, widespread issue in today’s society. Most of us seem to constantly worry about our future, our finances, our relationships – or the lack of, sickness, fears, etc. There is an endless list of issues that keep us trapped in constant worry, which stops us from feeling joy, fun and happiness. So let’s work on helping you reduce worrying now.
While worry in itself is not bad, too much of it can lead to anxiety, which can have a lasting impact on our health and happiness. Whilst worrying is a very unpleasant feeling, it is worthy to note that the fact that we are having this feeling is a warning sign that something is off and we need to start paying attention to it. So rather than reacting to it negatively, I would like to invite you to consider this feeling as an opportunity to be curious about what’s really triggering it in the first case, the root cause, so to speak.

You may feel worried about possible negative outcomes, in which case you are really having an opportunity to identity these fears and do something about it before they become a reality. For example, you may be afraid of failing an exam, in which case, you may be motivated to study hard for it; you may worry about getting sick, which may give you the kick start that you need to make you eat healthier choices and exercise.
Worry can if fact help you avoid potential negative outcomes, and helps you plan adequately for it. So be open to view worry as your body’s ability to speak to you and get you on the straight and narrow. If you are able to look at worry as a benefit and act on it, then your work here is done.

For other people however, worry can become a problem if they are unable to turn off their worries, and they feel like they are having a constant cycle of endless repetitive thoughts, without it leading to positive problem solving. In this case, worrying can lead to stress, anxiety, sleepless nights, digestive issues and even depression, to name just a few.

You see, if you spend most of your time worrying, you will also be creating unpleasant events or circumstances in relation to the energy that you are focusing on. In essence, you will be manifesting what you are actually worrying about, just because you are constantly thinking and worrying about it. I have said it many times, and I will say it again: what you focus on, grows.

Constant, endless worrying can really affect our work, studies, relationships and life in general. If this is you, I hear you. It is not easy to live with worry consistently, which is why I want to share with you 8 healthy ways to deal with it, so you can gain your life back:

1. Accept your worry. In the presence of a negative emotion, one of our first instincts if to run away or hide from it. Most of us aren’t really being educated on how to identify and deal with emotions, and are taught to hide and dismiss them. Not dealing head on with negative emotions will only make matters worse. If you want to get rid of worry, you must start by admitting to yourself that you are feeling worried, and accept it wholeheartedly. We all have it, and you must be OK facing it and accepting it for what it is, an emotion that hasn’t been dealt with yet. You can reframe the way you think about worry as a signal of a problem that needs to be solved, and the actual worrying is your body’s way of communicating with you. Allowing the worry to continue to live within you without you doing anything about it is simply not an option, and a waste of your time.

2. Identify your worries, and decide what worries are worth tackling. You simply cannot deal with worry until you become clear as to what your worries really are. Most of us tend to assume that we know what we are worried about, but in my experience working with many clients, we are truly only aware on the surface level of what’s really worrying us.
By understanding all of your worries, you will be able to discern between the 3 following options:
1) This is a valid worry that I need to work on and find a solution for.
2) This worry is illogical and I have no control over it– so I need to find a way to let go (i.e.. Reframing it / seeking professional help, etc).
3) This is simply noise and I can just cross it off the list so I can free up more space to tackle the real worries. Many times, our brains run thoughts habitually and repetitively, and isn’t aware that it’s time to let go.

By becoming aware of these thoughts, we can make the decision to stop them.
In order to identify your worries, you can start by asking yourself the following questions:
* What am I worried about?
* What am I worried will happen?
* Is this a real problem that I’m facing, or a “what if”?
* Do I have any control over it?
* Is this a warning sign that I need to work on it, or am making it bigger than it needs to be?
* What’s the worst that could happen?

Spending a few minutes on finding clarity in this way can save you whole lot of time, energy and suffering. Accept the things you cannot change, and focus on the ones you can.

3. Schedule time for your worries. This is not a joke. Research shows that people that commit to intentionally allocate some specific time for worry, are able to go through their days with much less of it.

A very helpful strategy to help you minimise worry is to allocate 15-30 minutes a day initially, ideally at the same time, to deal with whatever is troubling you, and to consider a solution. If you put this strategy in place and do it consistently, you will find that worrying throughout your day will reduce dramatically. You are not stopping the worry, you are just postponing it, and you know that you will be dealing with it at the allocated time.
During this time, write your worries down. Letting all your emotions out on paper helps empty the fears out of your mind.
Use your worry time productively by thinking of solutions to the worries.

4. Make time for mindfulness and meditation. Some of the most effective strategies to stop worrying are the ones based in mindfulness practices, which involves non-judgemental awareness of your thoughts and emotions.

Reliving the past or worrying about the future is an easy way to get carried away by disaster scenarios. Instead, spend more time and attention in the present moment. If you feel you are starting to worry, take a moment to slow things down. Take a few deep breaths and become more aware of what is happening all around you right now. Take it all in with all your senses. Feel it, see it, smell it, hear it and sense it on your skin. And feel your worries melt away with this mindfulness technique.
Additionally, taking time to meditate daily can really help reduce anxiety, as brain scans show.

Studies on meditation show that it doesn’t just lower anxiety levels, but it also has effects on the areas of the brain that control emotions, thinking and worrying. Meditation takes your attention away from your mental chatter and places it on the present moment, which creates a feeling of inner calm and serenity.

5. Exercise. Getting your heart pumping is a sure way to beat stress and worry. Exercising affects the brain activity of serotonin – a.k.a. the “happy” hormone.

Studies actually show that in the long term, exercise works better than medication, because few things work better than consistently working out to release inner tensions and to move out of a headspace prone to worrying.
Working out makes you feel more decisive and focused, helps you build a stronger body and it also has plenty of mental benefits – this is an easy choice if you are serious about getting rid of your worries!

6. Find evidence to back up your worries. I want to invite you to spend some time going back into those times when you were worried about something, and whether those worries became a reality. Most likely, most things you worry about have never happened.
You may argue that bad things happen to good people, and you are right, however worrying constantly about what could happen won’t stop these unfortunate events from happening. On the contrary, the more time you spend focused on the the unpleasant aspects of life, the more you will seem to attract.
So rather than constantly worrying about what may happen, we could just learn to let things we cannot predict be, and if they do happen, then we just simply deal with them, in the best way that we can, as we have always done. Much learning and growth comes from such situations. This is a far better approach than the constant worry about may never eventuate into a reality.
So when you feel worries creeping up, ask yourself:
How many of my previous worries or fears did actually happen?
If you are like me, then the answer will be very few. And even the few ones that did eventuate, were nowhere near as painful or horrible as I expected them to be. So keep reminding yourself that the probabilities of worries coming to life are working in your favour.

7. Problem solve your worries away. If you are concerned that your worry is legitimate, take it a step further and create some time to look at ways to solve this problem. Make sure that you are very clear as what it is that you are worried about, and write it down. Think of any possible ways to solve it. You may find that you are either able to solve it fully, or not completely. If this is the case, try to identify what’s needed to fully come to a resolution, i.e. do you need more information, support, a way to minimise risk, learn a new skill… identify the steps needed and take action accordingly. Once you have a plan and start taking action towards solving the problem, you’ll find the worries melting away.
And for those worries you simply cannot solve, consider embracing uncertainty. Many of us need certainty and predictability in order to feel some sense of control over the future. In such cases, worrying isn’t the answer. Instead, you need to accept that uncertainty is a part of life, and that no amount of worry will create the outcome you are after. The truth is that you don’t know whether something bad – or great – may happen in the future. So focus on problem solving those things you can control and learn to tolerate some discomfort.

* A worthy note under this section that I would like you to also consider is this – if you want to worry less, you may need to keep your online addiction under control. All the time that you spend scrolling through social media and being online is not doing your mental health any favours. So learn to take control of your online habits before technology controls you.

8. Speak your worries out loud. Instead of letting them live and grow wild inside your head, let your worries out into the light. This may sound simple, and yet it is one of the most effective ways to deal with worry.
By talking about your worries out loud with someone close to you, you are able to see the situation for what it really is. Venting about you worries will help you gain perspective and insight on the issue and you may even start to wonder what got you so worried in the first place. Our worries always seem much bigger and worse than they really are in our heads, so have the courage to find someone to talk to so you can work through the situation.

Likewise, don’t be afraid to ask for other people’s perspective on the topic. It may be just what you need to help you see what you are too close to observe.

And if you don’t have anybody to talk to, or find it very difficult, you can always resort to journaling – spilling it out of your mind onto paper by writing about it. The most important aspect for this to work is to be able to let your worry out of your head and seeing the logic or reflecting about it either by talking or reading about it. You will find much clarity and ways to move forward whilst kissing your worries away.

As you can see, there are many ways in which we can work on proactively reducing and even eliminating our worries. I invite you to work through each one of the above steps to help you enjoy more of a worry-free life and savour more of the great things that life has to offer.
Here’s to your success!
With much love and appreciation,
Isabel x

As 2017 comes to an end, this is the perfect time to reflect on the year and come up with a plan for 2018. Having an understanding of your goals for the coming year and the actions you will need to take will give you great momentum and will help you to stay on track in order to achieve all those things you really want.

Here are my 5 top tips in order to make 2018 your best year yet:

1. TIME TO ACKNOWLEDGE YOURSELF

At this time of the year it is so easy to think about those things we didn’t achieve, the mistakes we made along the way, any sickness or accidents we had, opportunities we missed, goals we failed, etc.

However, what is most important at present is to really take the time to sit down and think about those things we did achieve, however big or little; the great events we took part in, the times we spent with loved ones, great friendships, amazing trips or journeys we got to take, etc. Most of us will come to realise that there were more positives than we originally thought, and taking time to appreciate them and celebrate them will be an invaluable tool for us to continue to build on in 2018.

ACTION: Think about those things that you need to appreciate yourself for, your successes, your wins, achievements and special moments, and write down at least 5 good things from 2017.

2. LESSONS LEARNT

I don’t know about you, but in 2017 I made many mistakes, failed at many things too, and I didn’t get to achieve goals that I initially intended to. It was all part of a great learning curve that allowed me to grow and change course, which made me wiser and stronger.

You see, mistakes are a great opportunity to learn, and so taking the time to reflect on the lessons that we learnt from those not so good experiences, will allow us to face similar circumstances in the year ahead in a more proactive way and make better choices, which will make us get better results.

ACTION: Ask yourself, what lessons did you learn at work? And in your life? Write down the top 3 lessons you learnt at work and the top 3 lessons you learnt in life.

3. START LOOKING AHEAD

Now it is time to look at 2018. What are you hoping to achieve in the next 12 months? This is not the time to be safe and come up with some small, comfortable ideas. This is your opportunity to dream about living the life you really want, becoming who you truly want to be, having achieved things you never thought you could, in order to have lived your best year yet. This will require you to stretch yourself out of your comfort zone and you will probably feel a bit scared. Don’t give in to your fears, as they will soon dissipate once you start your journey.

ACTION: Ask yourself, what would need to happen in 2018 in order for me to live a happy, meaningful and satisfying life? What would it need to happen in order for 2018 to be my best year yet? Write down the top 5 things that you want to achieve by the end of 2018. Put them somewhere where you can look at them daily to help you stay focused and motivated. Then, write down a list of goals that you will need to complete in order to achieve your 2018 top 5 priorities.

4. PLAN FOR IT

Finally, the time has come to put it all together and commit to a plan that will become your road map for the year ahead. Keep your eye on it to stay focused on the task at hand, and see the rewards of your work become a reality in 2018.

ACTION: Now that you have a list of your top 5 priorities, and also a list of what goals you need to achieve in 2018, put them down into a specific plan, and spend some time breaking down each goal into small, achievable, realistic steps, that will allow you to start the process and to complete your goals within a given time frame.

In your 2018 action plan, try to be as specific as you can, on a month by month basis, including milestones and rewards that you will give yourself to celebrate for achieving them.

Make sure that you take into account your own values (what’s really important to you) when deciding what actions to undertake, as your values dictate your behaviour.  If your action steps are in line with your values, you will find the journey of achieving your goals a very enjoyable experience.

5. DO YOUR BEST

My last tip for you will be to be gentle with yourself. Life has ups and downs and you will probably experience a bit of both in trying to achieve your priorities. There will be wins and losses, successes and failures, and times when you will feel like giving up. At times like this, ask yourself the following question, how will I feel if I gave it my best try and achieved my goals and priorities? Try to visualize yourself living the life you really want, having achieved all those things, and imagine the feeling living that life. Then, think about how you will feel if you gave in to your fears and doubts and quit trying; how will you feel at the end of 2018?

ACTION: Think about what potential challenges or blocks you may come up against in trying to achieve your goals for 2018. Is it procrastination, fear of failure, fear of success, a poor support network, a lack of know-how? Whatever these may be for you, become aware of them and try and come up with some possible solutions that may help you remove these obstacles when they arise. Above all, understand that life is not perfect, you are not perfect and not all days will go according to plan. Gently push yourself to get back on your journey, and if things get hard, take smaller steps for a while, until you can manage bigger ones.

The important thing is to keep trying, moving forward towards getting those things you always wanted. And I promise you, if you don’t give in, if you keep trying, if you just do your best most of the time, you will achieve things you never thought possible.

Investing some time in working on the above steps will place you in great shape for achieving extraordinary things in the year ahead.

And if you don’t want to do it alone, then contact me for a free 60 min no obligation consultation to help you decide if coaching is right for you.

Here’s to making 2018 your best year yet!

Isabel x

A few years ago, I took my children back to Spain during the summer break as I do every year. On this occasion, my husband Pete managed to come with us for a few days, and we took advantage and travelled to Alicante for a long weekend, to get some rest and quality time as a family.

We had heard that not far by boat, there was the beautiful island of Tabarca;, so we decided to spend the day enjoying what the island had to offer. It was a great day, and we made the decision to head back to the mainland before the crowds did. And that’s when it happened.

As the boat left Tabarca, there was a sudden change of winds and before we knew it, we were caught in one of the worst storms the area ever witnessed. In no time, our catamaran was no match for the angry sea and the big waves. Water started coming in and there were people being tossed from side to side of the boat. The captain decided that it was too dangerous to go back to the island, and our only way out was to continue towards the mainland, at painstakingly slow speed. The boat was eerily quiet, everyone was too scared to say anything. Soon, we started witnessing people getting very sick.

I was petrified, completely frozen by fear at the prospect that this could in fact be our last day alive. I looked at my children and my husband and I remember feeling so guilty for having insisted in visiting the island. And now, in this moment, I felt responsible for putting them in harm’s way. If there was a peak moment in my life where I felt true, raw fear, that was it. There have been many occasions during my life where I felt fear, but this one was different. We truly had no control of the outcome, and it was down to what mother nature decided to do with this little boat we travelled in. It was imminent, each minute worse than the other, with no end in sight, just waiting to see if we would make it out alive.

Then I looked at my son, who was 2 years old at the time; he was staring at me in silence, unable to express his feelings, yet understanding at a deeper level that our situation wasn’t a good one. And then it hit me, I had allowed fear to completely disempower my thoughts and my actions, and right there, a small window of opportunity opened up for me to be able to do something that was under my control.

I smiled at my son, gave him a big hug and told him all was well, and to go to sleep if his eyes felt tired. He took a big breath and then he closed his eyes and slept for the remainder of the ordeal.

My daughter, 5 years old back then, she was a different story. She was looking around terrified of what was happening, and was being shafted between myself and the end of the seat every time the boat moved. She had already watched me moments earlier and knew that I was terrified, so she wasn’t looking for comfort from me.

If I wanted to help her, I would need to let go of fear. I closed my eyes and for a moment, I visualized the absolute worse thing that could happen to us. I imagined a big wave tipping over the catamaran, the four of us being thrown into the angry sea, seeing my children drown unable to help them and, finally, drowning myself too. And then as I went through all that in my head, I realised that even if that was to happen, I still had some precious moments left with them, and all of a sudden I felt tremendous gratefulness for being so lucky to have enjoyed my life and my children for as long as I did.

And at that time, I came to realise that whether I died imminently or not, it had no bearing on how I could choose to be right in that moment. I looked at my daughter and smiled, and she felt straight away that my connection was genuine. I told her than rather than fighting the fear, we should just join in and go with it. She asked me how, and I told her to imagine that the boat was a big giant ride, similar to the one we had been in just a few months ago. I asked her to move with the ride, and not against it, so we wouldn’t bump ourselves.

So when the boat went up, we didn’t fight it, we went up with it, and as it crushed against the waves, we sunk with it too. We held hands and for a moment we almost felt joy.

People all around us were vomiting everywhere. You could see it in their faces, the exact moment when they allowed fear to creep in, and their body decided to let go. Powerless.

It was the longest 90 minutes of my life. We finally made it safely to shore. By that point, every single person in the boat had been sick many times. We were the only family that managed to keep it together.  The captain told us in the 12 years that he had ridden that boat, that was his worst ride ever. It took us many hours afterwards to finally get a feeling of the stable ground underneath us.

We survived to tell the tale, and I am incredibly grateful to have been one of the lucky ones. I also learnt a very valuable lesson: in the face of fear, always ride with it, don’t resist it.

I have since become interested in the subject, and have come to understand that fear is truly just the precursor of change. If we feel the fear and run in the opposite direction, then we’ll never know what could have been.  I have since been able to get more comfortable with the idea of fear, so much so that, whenever possible, I pursue those things that I am afraid of the most, as I now know that behind fear, lies incredible opportunities for us all to raise up, grow and evolve. So jump in, and enjoy the ride!

Conquer the fear by facing it and going along with it. You will realise that confronting your fears is nowhere near as scary as continuing to be held back by it. If you are willing to explore the boundaries of your fears, you will find that it either holds no logic, or it is actually nowhere near as scary as you make it out to be. So have the courage to explore your fears, and free yourself from what holds you back.

Over to you now. What fear or fears are holding you down? What’s the nature of these fears? In the absence of fear, what would you do?

Love,

Isabel x

I open my eyes before the alarm goes off. I am still tired, yet I cannot go back to sleep. I can already feel it… the dreading sensation that you are heading for a fall, for failure… I try to count my blessings… I know there are many but right now I feel like they are too few to count.

I am missing my husband. I decide to blame him for being away for so long, for leaving me to do it all by myself, to blame him for my bad mood. He shouldn’t have left us. Like he had a choice… I hear myself judging my thoughts. “How dare you blame your husband; he is doing what he can. You are lucky to have someone like him by your side. You don’t deserve him.” I recognise those words, they were said by someone very close to me many years ago, and I have since adopted them as mine.

My voice tells me: “Stay in bed, you are tired. Don’t do anything. Stay here with me. Just for today, do nothing. You deserve some rest. Let me tell about all the reasons why life sucks”. I breathe deeply, and somehow manage to get up. I go straight to the balcony and look at the sky – yet again another beautiful sunrise. It makes me smile; it makes me feel like this new day may bring with it hopeful moments. My little voice stops for a while whilst I manage to get the kids up and get breakfast going.

I can hear the kids in the background, playing. I know I should be happy about the sounds their laughs make, but I’m not. I can feel the anger starting to build up within myself. “Here we go again; instead of helping you, the only thing they care about is themselves”. My voice is back, with unwelcomed familiarity. “You are all alone, and nobody cares. Your children just need you to care for them, to be their nanny, but they don’t love you the way you love them”. I start feeling really bad about myself, and before I know it, anger turns into rage. I walk into the kid’s bedroom and start yelling at them so they can hurry up and get ready. Now I feel really disappointed with myself. Last night, I made a promise to myself that I would try to go all day without yelling at my kids, because I love them with all my heart, and because I know that they are just kids, good kids, acting normal. I know the issue is with me. Now I am really judging myself and feeling quite low. I can already tell that I am about to spiral out of control. I am angry at myself. I have been awake for only 30 minutes, and already, I feel like quitting this day, and escaping from it all.

“You are a coach for crying out loud. Pull yourself together”. I am ready to kick this bloody voice to the curb… “You can’t do anything right!”. As I let that last statement start to consume me, I come across a piece of paper sitting on the kitchen bench. I recognize the writing. It is my daughter’s. It says: “You are my angel mum, and nothing changes that”. I feel how my heart shrinks quickly, and then expands with joy. I feel this warm, fuzzy sensation all over my face, and let go fully, allowing the tears to run down my face.

I am home. I feel myself come back into alignment, alive, vibrant. “Be kind with yourself” I hear. Now this voice I like much more. I am also used to this voice. I know this voice has my back, and loves me no matter what. For the first time this morning I feel like I am fully awake, and I give myself a chance to make different choices.

First, I thank my ugly voice, I know deep down it is trying to keep me safe and protected under our current family circumstances. Then, I allow it to go back into the dark shadows where it came from, as I tell it that all is well.

Next, I go to my children, and as I stare at their little faces, I apologise for my behaviour, and then give them a long hug. I tell them that I love them and I allow their love for me to fill my heart. I feel joy. I feel complete. I feel like today couldn’t go any better.

The rest of my day goes really well. Better than that. I feel proud of myself for having achieved all that I set out to achieve. At home. At work. With my kids. With myself. I feel satisfied that I gave myself a chance to be better and do better. And I did. And so can you.

So next time you catch yourself failing, making mistakes, or judging yourself, be kind to yourself. We are only human, and we are entitled to slip out many times. Every day brings a new opportunity to take a chance on ourselves. So don’t quit; just keep going. Then, as you forgive yourself for your errors, give yourself a second chance. You are worth it. You deserve it.

With Love,

Isabel x

If you feel like you have no time to catch up, you are not able to get a handle on your life priorities, you seem unable to find work life balance or feel overwhelmed and stressed, then let me give you a simple tip to start releasing the load: DO LESS.

Sounds simple? Well in fact, once we get used to doing many things continually, one of the hardest things to do is to change the rhythm and dynamics of it. In fact, we develop a habit of always being busy, and we don’t really know what to do with ourselves if we are left with a few minutes to spare; boredom kicks in, and in no time we are off trying to find things to keep us busy. Sounds familiar?

Let me explain what I mean by doing less, and believe me this is something that I intentionally work on often myself. You need to start doing less of those activities that fill up your day in what you may believe gives your mind and body a rest, when in fact it does the opposite, such as the following:

–          TV watching (at the end of the day, when all you really feel like doing is passing out in the sofa and staring at the screen). There is absolutely nothing wrong with watching something you enjoy, as long as it is not taking over your entire evening and it is not taking time away from doing things that really need doing. As they say with food, enjoy TV “with moderation”.

–          Continuous checking of emails, internet, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, etc. In general any gadget that will have you looking at something that is really not relevant or a priority for you. We are developing very hard to tackle habits regarding the use of technology, which steals precious time from our daily lives and steals quality time that could be used to make real connections with those around you.

–          Staying behind at work because you didn’t finish your work, because everyone else is staying behind, because you want to look like you are working hard, because you may actually be working really hard, because you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself if you went home anyway, because you can stay behind and check more emails and Facebook…sigh! Believe me when I tell you that some of the greatest work won’t come out of a long day when your energy and motivation has been wiped out.

So what to do? Let me give you a few ideas and action steps that are proven to help you break out of your “crazy busy unproductive” schedule and help you find more time to do those things that you really want to do:

• Aim to check emails or social media a maximum of twice a day – say mid morning and early evening. Let people know that you will be spending less time online, so they know if they really need to contact you they can either find you or text you. If this seem like a mammoth task to you right now, maybe reduce the time you spend in the virtual environment by a quarter, followed by half within 2 weeks, and so on, to the point where you feel in control of social media, not the other way around.
• Delete / stop following / unsubscribe from people / companies or resources that are not providing you with updates or information that you need in order to achieve the things you need or want. Spend some time scanning through your contacts and subscribed resources and commit to delete those you don’t need, that only clutter your space and your mind, stealing you from much needed time.
• First thing in the morning, stop yourself from going to your mobile phone, your ipad or any gadget that will tempt you to check for unnecessary information. Take a minute to do some deep breathing whilst lying in bed, to oxygenate your body and clear your mind. Create the intention to have a good day and commit to spend your day as present as possible. If possible, sit down for a nutritious breakfast with your loved ones and connect in a way that will help you start your day calm and ready to tackle the day ahead. Create a daily routine where you follow all the above steps, and within a few weeks, you will start creating new habits that support your ability to stay present and conduct activities that provide you with satisfaction and energise you.
• Instead of watching TV, commit a few days per week to practise a few minutes of stretching, yoga, meditation, praying or whatever it is that allows you to become calm and relaxed, followed by 20-30min reading a book about a subject that you are passionate about. Before going to sleep, get into the habit of thinking of at least two great things that happened to you during that day. This exercise will help you go to sleep on a great note and will assist you in having a good night’s sleep. Avoid watching TV or using your iPad or any gadgets right before going to bed and the light emitted by most of these gadgets will trick your brain into thinking that it’s still day time and you will having difficulties having a good night’s sleep. As with early morning routines, create a structure for bed time, so that you create new healthier habits that will have you sleeping better, having more energy during your day and shifting your mindset onto a more positive and mindful one.
• Make time to eat your meals sitting down and eating your food mindfully, away from any diversions. Sit at a table and pay attention to the food that you are eating and what your body is telling you, and stop once you start getting signs that your body has had enough. Or sit with others and enjoy a healthy meal with other people that you enjoy conversing with.
• If you are feeling tired, rather than collapsing in the sofa, push yourself to get up and give your body some activity. Some examples depending on your fitness level would be to take a 20min brisk walk, go for a run, swim, ride, play ball with your children, whatever it is that will have your heart racing. Ask friends to do it with you and take advantage of the opportunity to connect and enjoy yourself.
•  Commit to exercising at least 3 times per week as this will also help you create a more balanced approach and enjoyment of life; you will also feel better and will have more energy during your day. If you are surrounded by nature, try not to use any technology to keep you occupied. Engage your senses around you…look at the colours and textures around you, take notice of the smells, listen to all the noises around you, etc. If you exercise in a gym or a busy place, listen to music that makes you feel good, or listen to podcasts about matters that you want to learn about. Or better yet, take a friend with you and push each other, but also have a laugh. There’s nothing better than being accountable to someone else!

Does all the above seem like you will be doing more in your already busy day? It may seem like that for a little while until you manage to break out of those habits that are holding back from enjoying your life.

Just one tip about  change in general. Whenever you start working on changing things in your life, please don’t be too hard on yourself. Breaking out of a habit does take time and no doubt you will have set backs. Don’t let that be the excuse to ruin all the good things you are doing to help you improve your quality of life. If you have a bad day and you don’t manage to do all you set out to achieve, don’t judge yourself, tomorrow will be a new day and you will have the opportunity to choose your actions once again, till the time when you new habits become your way of living, naturally.

So what  are you ready to commit to changing today? How could you create more quality time in your life to do those things you really want to do?

I recently got back from another training weekend in Singapore. When people heard that I lived in Brunei Darussalam, in the Borneo jungle, this is the reaction I got:
“It’s so boring”
“What do you do with yourself there?”
“There’s nothing to do over there.”
“I couldn’t live there.”
“I went there once, but I didn’t know what to do with myself.”
My response: “I found myself in Brunei”.
Living in Brunei has two of the biggest gifts anyone could use in life – time and space.  I used to be the big city girl, the person who was always busy being busy, always complaining about lack of time, lack of quality of life, lack of quality time with my family and loved ones…I was the big career woman, the “fake” super mum, pretending that I could do anything and everything at once, whilst deep inside I was always wondering what living a rich and satisfying life would feel like.
And then we moved to Brunei, and I was forced very quickly to adapt to a whole new way of living, a new rhythm, a whole new culture and a new environment. The fact that I was 4 weeks short of giving birth to my second child didn’t help either!
I transitioned from utter shock onto a phase of reflection and adventure, one that forced me to look at myself from the inside out, to question my beliefs, my passions, my ideas about living life….and that’s when everything changed.
Having time and space allowed me to discover my passions and purpose in life. I knew I wanted to help others and I wanted to make a difference in this world, I just didn’t know how. Then I found coaching and everything just clicked. Having the advantage of time and space, I embarked into a full career change and I invested in the assistance of a coach to challenge and guide me through my big transformation.
Not only did I find my purpose, but I allowed myself to pursue other passions I never thought I would enjoy, like hiking in the jungle, long distance running, nutrition, health and wellness, yoga, natural living, learning about the environment and how to make a difference at home… it is just too many to list!
Now, the way I spend my time is very different. I don’t need to be constantly stimulated and entertained by external influences. I have come to enjoy the simple things in life, like a good walk in nature, watching my kids play outside in the garden, reading a good book, learning about subjects that I am passionate about, taking time to exercise, eat well, sleep and relax, and practise those things that I never had time for before, taking time to reflect about things that really matter and investing the time to transform into who I am meant to become and enjoying the journey.
I may not have as many shows, activities, games, parties, produce, shops or facilities as I did before, but what I have now I wouldn’t change it for the world. Not having to have an active external life has given me the opportunity to look inside and find myself. It is not better or worse, it is just different, and I believe in making the best of every opportunity a great one, and my glass is almost always half full (although that rarely used to be the case).
And if you would like to start filling your glass up, so to speak, then stop looking for answers outside, and start finding answers within you, as you have all the answers inside yourself, and have been there all along, waiting to be discovered.
So get comfortable with being uncomfortable in your own skin. We are so used to living in the outside world that we’re out of touch with ourselves. Set time to “do nothing”. If you do, the environment and external factors in which you operate will have very little bearing on you, as knowing yourself from the inside out will assist you in always making the best out of life, wherever you are.
If you continue to heavily rely on external stimulus and outside influences to fill your day, you won’t know how to spend time with yourself, enjoying the simple and beautiful things that life has to offer.
Nowadays I enjoy my own company, and I love investing time in learning about myself, spending quality time with my family and friends, and having the time to finally take care of myself.
And I’ll tell you a secret, now that I have found myself, I know I am in good company. I found my best friend, the person who believes that I can reach for the stars if I truly want to, the person who never judges me, no matter what I say or do. I have found a type of love I only ever thought was possible towards my husband and children, but I’ve come to understand that the more love I have for myself, the more love I am able to share with others.
One of the best things you could do today is to invest some time figuring out who you really are, through coaching like I did or any other way that allows you to find that time and space to discover your true self. It will be one of the most well spent exercises you’ll ever make. Because you deserve to have a rich and fulfilling life, so don’t settle for any less than that!
Oh… and no need to say most of the people that I met at the Singapore training are planning to come to Borneo in the near future.
So is your glass half full or half empty? In other words, are you spending your time engaged in negative or positive thinking?
How are you spending your time?
Are you wishing for things you don’t currently have? Or are you seizing every opportunity that comes your way?
How could you shift your perspective from focusing on what you don’t have, to learning to enjoy what you have plenty of?
I am so grateful to be living in a peaceful country, enjoying serenity and surrounded by nature… a rare gift in today’s complex times!
What are you grateful for?

Isabel Valle ACC ACTP

Global Coach, mentor and facilitator

Founder of Global Room

“Coaching for Leadership, for Growth, for Success”

http:www.isabelvalle.com

globalroom@isabelvalle.com

http:www.facebook.com/globalroom

Ph: +673 897 8825