Have you ever said or done something in the heat of the moment when you were emotionally charged, that you wish you could take back?
If you want to lead effectively and impactfully, you are going to have learn to manage your emotions. There’s a fine line between intense passion and negative emotions. Being emotional at work could actually affect your influence and overall success. You may be fed up with ongoing issues, existing conditions or wrongful behaviours at work. It is human nature that we’d allow frustrations to intensify, making us angrier, more stressed, and those around us far less receptive to our message.
The wrong words, body language, or response could mean a colossal blow-up simply because the people you are speaking to are overly sensitive and emotional, or they are not understanding things the same way you do.
Successful leaders pay significantly more attention to emotional regulation and keeping their emotions in check.
You must stand up for what you believe. This can however be far better received if you are able to do it without blame, judgement, anger or callousness.
I typically find three types of people in the workplace with varying degrees of emotional fitness. Those who need to vent and let their emotions get the better of them, often in public. Those who swallow them and pretend to act as if nothing is bothering them (which can also have very detrimental effects). And finally, those who are aware of their emotions, however have learnt to self-regulate and act on them in a way that is healthy and does not impact anyone around them negatively. Which one do you identify with?
When emotions run high, no one is in the right mood for constructive problem-solving. Everyone gets too wrapped up in their own feelings, rather than doing the kind of thinking that would be required for effective problem-solving. Here’s a motto I learnt at an NLP course: “When emotions run high, intelligence is low.” When we see red, we release stress chemicals to get us ready for fight or flight. The body directs energy flows to our extremities ready to run instead assisting the brain to think clearly.
So what can be done about it? Firstly, you must notice when you are feeling triggered and frustration is creeping in. The sooner you realise what’s going on the better, because once your body goes into fight or flight it will be more difficult to self-manage your behaviour.
Next, start taking deep conscious breaths. If possible, remove yourself from the trigger. It is perfectly OK to ask to take a break or leave a room if you feel your emotions are getting the better of you. Try to change your mental state – which will alter your emotional response. I typically do so by envisioning my favourite place on Earth, my children’s smiles, or a calming beach. Do whatever works for you. Try to move your body, go outside for fresh air, or drink some water. All of those will help you flush out the chemical reaction in your system quicker.
Once you are calmer and more collected, set the intention to stay present and curious about the issues at hand, so you can give it your undivided attention without reacting negatively.
This is like a muscle, and you must practise often to get emotionally fitter. The sooner you put these easy steps into action, the sooner you’ll be able to return to intelligent thoughts, feelings, actions and results.
For example, one of my biggest triggers is when I receive messages that aren’t aligned with my views or values. As much as I want to reply in haste, which for sure would make me write something I would later regret, I have learnt to put it aside either for a few hours or even the rest of the day, sleeping on it, until I am ready to reply in a productive manner. I won’t reply until I’ve calmed down and I know I can respond rather than react.
Over to you now. What triggers you? Do you vent, hide or self-regulate your emotions? What behaviour do you normally display when emotions run high? What could be the impact of you learning to self-regulate your emotions?
To your success,
Isabel
#leadership #emotional fitness
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